This is a topic I’ve been sitting on for quite a while now (obviously, as I haven’t written a word since October of last year. Oops!), wanting to talk about but being a little afraid of pushback, not wanting to hurt anyone, and also, of course, wanting to learn more so I don’t ever provide you with an uneducated piece of information, much less one presented as anything even resembling “fact.” So I postponed, and postponed, and postponed… but my friends, It’s time to saddle up and talk about conspiracy theories.
** note: conspiracy theories have always been around in different shapes and forms, all the way back to early written history. I address my experiences with them as somewhat new-ish, but want to be clear from the get-go that this is not actually a new phenomenon, though it might be a newer facet of it. Guess you’ll have to read on to find out!
Up until this past year or so, in my admittedly sheltered experience, when I heard “conspiracy theories” or “conspiracy theorist” I always thought of aliens, illuminati “the moon is a hologram” kind of stuff, or religious extremists on street corners yelling about the end of the world. You know, guys in tinfoil hats and people who spent WAY too much time watching either X-Files or going to church. And then, okay, after 2001 there was a range of 9/11 conspiracy theories, but even then they were usually, again just in my experience, something that people would occasionally muse or rant about, not something that became their entire personality (there were definite exceptions, but they were that… exceptions). There’s always been “Skull and Bones” secret society type conspiracy theories, but I don’t really count that the same way as it’s a verifiable organization (I’ve walked past their crypt many times) with some sketchy-ass, powerful men involved for generations upon generations. But as to what goes on inside? Eh, speculate away. And as with many secret societies, it’s literally designed to be shrouded in mystery and rile up theories, probably to protect and distract from the far more boring but damaging actions of said powerful and connected predominantly white men within. But that’s just MY theory. There have also always been people who are, for example, Holocaust deniers. And while that can certainly qualify as a conspiracy theory, let’s be honest, it’s really just racism/antisemitism.
ANYHOW, all that to say, that’s kind of been my experience. And then the past few years happened. And suddenly 4Chan and QAnon are things… kinda prominent things, in fact (I am aware 4Chan has been around for a while and isn’t directly/exclusively a conspiracy thing itself. As I said above, I did my research). And now people with large followings are screaming about a global pandemic being a hoax or being made in a lab, about masks harming you physically despite tons and tons of scientific evidence to the contrary, about Black Lives Matter (BLM) being a Marxist hate group, about Antifa (you know, people who oppose fascism?) being a terrorist organization, Tr*mp being some supreme leader sent by god himself who had the election stolen from him via election fraud, that some recent mass shootings were hoaxes, a group of Satan-worshipping elites who run a child sex ring are trying to control our politics and media, and so on and so on. And I was honestly just blown away.
At the time that Covid lockdowns started, I had been seeing a person. I will not share their name or use their pronouns, because as much as I’d like to slap them up the side of the head sometimes, I also want to protect their privacy. That’s very important. ANYHOW, I’d been seeing them for a while… a little over a year. And things were pretty good! Sweet and tender and full of adventures. And then, I don’t know what happened (I have some theories), but suddenly my views that social programs are beneficial and that we should take care of vulnerable people and that capitalism in the US has had some harmful effects (views I’ve been more than open about for many, many, many years now) meant that I supported gulags and was not much more than a “useful idiot.” I had to plead with them to use a mask and be careful when out and about because I am high risk for Covid and believe in medical science, but they believed a mask mandate was merely a tool of government oppression and control. My BLM advocacy was “good that I am using my Freedom of Speech, but *insert rant about Marxism and the decay of America and why The Left is the problem with everything here.*” Everything was somehow about pedophilia? From pizza shops to dance shows. There was no enjoying things: literally everything that was fun or nice or beautiful was really just a tool of manipulation by some mysterious dark entity. If I’d express frustration with “cis/het/abled/white men” because… I mean… have you seen our society lately… especially from the perspective of a disabled, queer, femme-presenting nonbinary person? I was shut down and called racist, sexist, and that I was “attacking their culture.” And it just further spiraled from there.
And hey… I just want to remind you that you should absolutely be able to express frustrations with both small scale and systemic struggles in society, your town, your relationships, whatever, WITH YOUR PARTNER without them taking it fucking personally. Also, there’s no (systemic) racism against white people, nor oppression of cis people or men. But I digress.
And let me tell you, I’ve had my heart broken a lot in my life (the side effect of both growing up in abuse, but also allowing yourself to love humans), but this was so different. It wasn’t just “ah, a breakup” or “oh, they want to be with someone else” or even “sad, it didn’t work out.” It was “someone I love and who said they loved me now calls me dehumanizing names and prioritizes Reddit over my physical (and mental/psychological) safety & wellbeing.” There were no conversations to be had. I’d try to ask questions about their new and very strong opinions, honestly trying to understand where on earth they were coming from, and would be shut down for being “resistant to their beliefs.” And it ended up in more than one yelling match. Well, them yelling and me, on the verge of a panic attack, saying “don’t fucking yell at me” and them sulking for the rest of the day because they’re mad that I laid down a boundary even though it was all somehow my fault, in the end. Fucking socialist/marxist/useful idiot. I am sure that if you asked them about this, by the way, they would tell you the same story from a very different perspective, but at the end of the day, this isn’t about who was right and who was wrong, but that this was my most first-hand experience with modern-day conspiracy theorists.
Can we bring back the Area 51 and reptilian overlords who live in the center of the earth stuff, please? I’m really starting to miss that. Ugh. So, this new brand of conspiracy theories - or at least new to me/new to mainstream awareness - is not just some weird thing that some people subscribe to that isn’t really hurting anyone, that just seems really dumb and sure, some people might get a bit obsessed… No. This new brand of toxic questioning of truth takes the concept of not just accepting what you read or are told (good advice, by the way) and runs with it. It runs so far, and in such a fucking confusing way:
Everything has someone cloaked in shadows behind it trying to manipulate you, BUT NOT THE REDDIT THREADS!
Every program or movement trying to do good is really using you and your good motivations to do harm, you useful idiot (they know this because they read something on some backwater site and forced a connection between dots that do not go together).
Anything the government tries to do to take care of us (and I’m no big fan of the government, as you know if you’ve talked to me for more than 2 minutes) is really just manipulation so you must push back and NOT do any things that care for people, because THE GOVERNMENT!
And it all is so exhausting, so frustrating, and impossible to argue with (or even ask questions about, apparently) because if you examine it with even an ounce of critical thinking, it all comes apart at the seams. One little scientific tug on any thread and it’s all unraveled on the floor in front of you.
I did a bunch of reading during the last year of this relationship, and have continued in the months since, on why people believe in conspiracy theories. What IS IT about them? The person I had been seeing was a fairly intelligent person with a 4-year college education… so it’s clearly not just for uneducated folx, so what the fuck is going on? Well, according to a shit ton of psychologists I read articles and books by, it seems to boil down to 3 things.
Epistemic motives
Existential motives
Social motives
Let’s start at the top. Epistemic motives basically means that the person is motivated by a desire for knowledge or certainty. It’s this longing to have some understanding, some confidence in what the fuck is happening in the world (a feeling I’m sure we can all relate to). This is often framed as a common motive for people who have lower levels of education*. Unfortunately, it’s pretty easy, especially in the world of the internet where any person can say any ol’ shit with absolute (seeming) authority, for people to get misled. This is even more easily accomplished if they haven’t had good research training and don’t know how to vet their sources, or even know where to look for reliable information in the first place.
* (don’t be ableist/classist/racist when talking about people, folx. Even conspiracy theorists. A lack of access to higher/deeper education =/= lack of intelligence)
The second is existential motives, which I personally think ties in to epistemic motives pretty closely (they all tie together, honestly). This is basically that people are adrift, grasping for meaning, comfort, control, security in a wild, unpredictable, sometimes scary, ever-changing world. And so conspiracy theories can be a really natural fit (even if not a healthy one), because on one hand, they can give the individual “insight” into why the world is so out of their control, and then hey, it’s not their fault! It’s the illuminati and the Left, Antifa, whatever. On the other hand, it can instill a sense of power because, while you may still not have any control over your life because it’s being controlled by the illuminati and the Left and Antifa and whomever, at least YOU know the TRUTH! You know something that pitiful normies don’t know, CAN’T know, because you were smart enough/dedicated enough/had the inside scoop enough to know it, and as they say, knowledge is power!
The last is social motives, and this just means, in this instance, that the person is doing what they are doing because they are trying to feel good socially, either in a group or as an individual in society. This often looks like seeking a feeling of superiority and power in a group by knowing something other’s don’t, being “in on the truth” and therefore being smarter, sharper, and just generally better, being the one that can teach everyone else, that can save them, and therefore securing for yourself a position of security and authority in your social circle. There can be a sense of community amongst conspiracy theorists which can meet the social motive, but even within that, that attitude of “Not Being The Sheep, HaHa, Suckers!” is still often present, as it gives a feeling of superiority and that can feel very good, I guess.
None of these motivations are bad or wrong, they’re extremely natural. But conspiracy theories don’t fill that void very well. In fact, the person who for the remainder of this essay I will just call My Ex, had expressed to me several times that they felt isolated (before covid), that they felt they had a hard time connecting with people, that their friends called them out for their racism and such (post conspiracy theories) and that it was so hurtful and they felt so alone. And racism aside, my heart really goes out to My Ex, but here’s a funny fact. Diving head first into extreme and divisive beliefs that necessarily push everyone in your life farther away if they don’t instantly agree with you IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO REMEDY THAT.
It’s also worth noting that narcissism can play really heavily into being a conspiracy theorist. That need to feel special, to be the “not sheep,” to know some magic, secret info that others either don’t know or just aren’t smart enough to figure out, unlike yourself. To be the savior of humanity. And to pivot a bit, all this that we’ve discussed thus far also applies to the “conspiracy theories” and falsehoods subscribed to by anti-vaxxers and other people who hold a belief that all conventional medicine (except the life saving stuff they need in the moment, ofc) is evil and “toxic” and is “In Bed with Big Pharma,” as if their essential oil MLMs and yoga cult leaders and even the vegan restaurant or health food store down the road aren’t profiting off their lifestyle change. I’m not saying that living a healthy life is bad. I have fucking degrees coming out my ears to suggest to you that I am a HUGE proponent of using gentler, more natural methods first. I’ve eaten a plant based diet for 21 years, I do yoga and tai chi from my wheelchair, I use essential oils here and there, but it’s about balance. I deeply appreciate my morning yoga practice and my medical marijuana! But I also deeply appreciate (and am dependent on, from a life-saving standpoint) my anti-depressant medication. Or my pain meds. Or my migraine meds. You know all this, you know me. The problem isn’t choosing a lifestyle that works for you and makes you feel good, it’s
Buying into blatantly anti-science garbage and acting as if it’s just as scientifically valid as things that have gone through studies and trials. Wanna shove a jade egg up your vaj? Go for it, babe. I’m not gonna stop you or even judge you (though I’ll give you some recommendations about how to do so safely). But when you start evangelizing that shoving a rock up your puss can cure ovarian cancer or what have you, you’ve crossed a major line and that’s where the issues arise. Also advocating against the use of pharmaceutical medication in general. Do I need to explain this one? Oh, it’s also terribly ableist.
Pretending that only pharmaceutical companies, doctors, and scientists (ie, people with opposing beliefs/choices) benefit from your choices. Sure, choosing not to use any pharmaceuticals (if you’re privileged enough to be able to make that choice) does take some money out of the pocket of “Big Pharma.” But “Big Pharma” really doesn’t care about you, personally. The industry you’re referring to is fucking HUGE and you not spending $300 a month isn’t something they’re even going to notice. So let’s not pretend that an individual choice is making any difference on that front or that they’re bending over backwards trying to “keep you hooked.” However, your local holistic folx, who are often small businesses (places like Whole Foods, and MLMs (a whole different convo) being the exception), absolutely do notice and benefit from you making a more natural choice, a choice that can directly, financially benefit them. That can be a super good thing, as you’re supporting small businesses and feeling better (hopefully) doing it! But let’s not pretend there’s no financial motivation on the holistic end for them to encourage people in their lifestyle choices. That street is very much two ways, and that comes from someone who had a quite successful holistic healthcare practice for almost 8 years.
The ableism, classism, racism and so on that is so often tied up in these choices. I’m going to start this off by reminding you that I am a disabled person and a lot of this is me speaking from my own very many life experiences. Especially when you talk about vaccines, one of the big things you will hear from folx opposed to them is “But vaccines cause autism!” *deep, long sigh* Not only has that been proven time and time and time again to be blatantly false, but even if it was true, SO WHAT?! What’s wrong with autistic people? And even if for some reason neurotypical is you preference (this is still some internalized ableism, but we’ll discuss that at another time because this is already getting quite long), you’re saying you’d rather risk your child & all the children they encounter being dead than autistic? THAT’S BIG ABLEISM, MY FRIEND! FULL STOP. Take a step back, breathe for a minute, and think about what you just said. And the ableism in the community doesn’t end at vaccines. Thinking yoga or a vegan diet will cure everything from depression to cancer to chronic degenerative genetic diseases and pushing it on people is fucking ableist. Also pushing an organic diet or a vegan diet can be extremely classist, racist, and ableist as well - not everyone can afford the diet you prefer, nor does it necessarily fit within their cultural or healthcare needs - so take another step back, take another breath.
I spent a long time, early in my healthcare journey being suuuuuper guilty of these things. Thinking I knew what was best for everyone because I was learning some stuff about food, healthcare, energy flow, and so on. But let me tell you, after dealing with a lot myself, learning more, and listening to a lot of people who know and have experience d far more than me, there is absolutely no one size fits all anything in this world except for kindness. I promise you that you do not know what is best for the person next to you, even if you have strong personal experiences or moral beliefs. So take a beat and listen a bit more.
Okay, so it may seem like we got a bit derailed there, but we actually didn’t. All these things play into conspiracy theories and the people who buy into them. They’re often people looking for answers, people who are afraid of what’s going on in the world right now, people who feel disenfranchised (rightly or not), people who don’t know how to research well or how to vet their sources, people looking for some control in their life. A lot o them seem to also deal with a lot of internalized racism, sexism, ableism, classism, etc, which directly inform the types of theories they smash the subscribe button on (because you can’t have a conspiracy theory without framing someone as the bad guy). And you know what else often fills that void and has lots of super fun (read: not at all fun) bonus conspiracy theories attached to it?
If you guessed religion, specifically evangelical christianity, you win!
Some of you are, right this moment, thinking “what the actual huh?” and the rest are throwing your hands in the air and screaming “YASSSSSSS!” But I think it’s quite true. This bit is not based on any specific recent psychological reading (but I have done decades of reading on the subject), but on my life of experiences. Obviously a lot of people end up in religion because they were born and raised in it, right? But for folx that weren’t, or who left and came back, I think that those 3 motivations for conspiracy theorists apply just as well. Why do people turn to religion? It’s not usually because their life is great and kicking along just fine and everything is beautiful. It’s almost always because they are seeking understanding or knowledge about something, they are trying to make sense of a complex world, or are trying to find meaning, connection, or a position of authority socially. And those things will look different in everyone’s life, but I think they’re probably, to super oversimplify a complex subject, the main reasons people turn to religion.
And once there, ooooooh boy, are there conspiracy theories! Actually all of life was one big, never ending conspiracy theory, because one of the basic premises of evangelical Christianity is that you have to accept Jesus and become “saved” because of the devil and hell and such. But not only do you have to figure out this situation of no Jesus = hell & eternal damnation, but the struggle has just begun. Now the devil, a kinda dark, shadowy figure who can camouflage himself as anyone and anything, is hiding everywhere at all times manipulating your world to try and get you to slip up and… un believe in Jesus, i guess? Fuck if I know. But not only all of this, but only a select few “not sheep” known as Christians know about it and believe the truth! And it’s their responsibility to share that knowledge and save the world. ANYHOW, why does this mean that it’s like living in a conspiracy theory? Well… a conspiracy theory is defined as:
a theory that explains an event or set of circumstances as the result of a secret plot by usually powerful conspirators.
a theory asserting that a secret of great importance is being kept from the public.
- Merriam Webster Dictionary
I could be wrong, but I think the parallels are pretty clear. Now, this is no way means that all Christians are mean, narcissistic conspiracy theorists living their lives in fear while projecting their own issues onto the world around them. But it does mean that, at the extreme of religious devotion and the extreme of “critical thinking” (or whatever, I don’t even know) aka conspiracy theories, there is a LOT in common, and not just the fact that they’re super hard to deal with at times. It’s their motivations. Their tells. Their struggles. Often their traumas. Things that need healing, need to be worked on with a good therapist, but instead are being patched over with what are essential comforting (“comforting”) lies. And I’m not saying that it gives anyone a pass on spreading damaging information or make it okay all the relationships that have fallen apart because of QAnon and religious extremism, but what it does mean, or at least what I am suggesting, after a very long talk with my therapist, is that these people are just that. They are people. They are people doing some very mean things, but they (for the most part) got suckered into it because they were looking for something. Because they themselves were vulnerable in some way.
And by taking a moment to pause and try to see these anti-science nonsense-spewers as vulnerable people who were and probably still are looking to fill those voids, looking for security, looking for love, looking for connection, for belonging, for security, for certainty, it’s perhaps a little easier to treat them with kindness. I don’t know if that will make reaching them any easier. In my experience, it has not been. But at least it makes living with yourself easier, instead of walking around with the anger and confusion and just, whatever the emotion that is !%@#@&%*(!#%@ is from dealing with them, you can walk around with compassion. And even if they never see it, if they never care, even if they spit on your kindness (and they will), at least you aren’t adding more hatred and anger to the collective conscious. And sometimes people notice that kindness, that compassion, that aura of “just trying to do my best by people” and it can encourage them to do better, too. And that’s a great trend to be a part of. Let’s make it go viral, shall we?